A little bit of yoga is back on the table. My body is tense and tight (external reasons), so I do some stretching every other day. My mattress is also crapping out on me, causing some mild to severe back pain. My informal yoga is helping tremendously. Also, Ami thinks it’s the best thing ever – like I’m on the floor specifically to visit her. She’s a hoot.
I’ve more or less been put on a Process Improvement Plan (PIP) at work, and with that comes a definitive schedule. Now, you’d think someone in my role: salaried, the only one with my title and job duties, running a 7-day operation, the main one who trains new hires and does all the onboarding things, functions as the onsite safety, HR, procurement, and Ops lead, who also has all kinds of calls and responsibilities outside of these things scheduled all hours of the day – would have had some say in her schedule. But no, it was dictated to me. Currently, my schedule demands I flip from night shift twice a week to days 3 times a week, and it is set for 46 hours minimum. Hmm.
Okay, fine. I’m not working outside of those hours, though. If I work outside those hours, HR can come back at me and say, “you deviated from the schedule, you missed on deliverables, you’re out.” And with my absolute distrust of HR, this is the most logical line of events.
While I’m being bull headed about it, I still work outside of those set hours. Every Friday I have to do my weekly HR wrap up otherwise people will get fired. So I still do those things.
The more pressing issue is: why do I feel guilty for missing calls I know I’m supposed to be on, but weren’t taken into consideration by my boss when he made my schedule? I mean, it’s not my oversight, it’s not my fault I’m missing those things as he single-handedly made my schedule.
We are not valued based on the product of our labor. I deeply believe this, but it’s increasingly difficult to maintain the belief while working in a role that gives zero shits about us as human beings (with intrinsic value). This schedule is just another element that takes the “human” out of me: flip flop your schedule every week without fail. Who cares, you’re just a body. You get a day between the flip, why can’t you figure it out? Because bodies don’t just do that naturally. I rely on a startling amount of melatonin each day just to make it happen. This isn’t right. and my “off” days, I don’t get to do the things I need to do for myself as a single person household – errands are difficult to get done because of the stupid sleeping hours forced on me. I can do laundry whenever I want, but health appointments are harder to make and keep.
I need change so I can finally have work-life balance with a real, plannable schedule.
I think this is worth a full post on its own, but suffice it to say for now I laid my cards on the table for my little crush, and… haven’t heard from him since. It’s okay, it’s not like I’m heartbroken or whatever; it was just a guy I had an interest in, I shot my shot, and sometimes one finds they’ve missed the mark.
Haven’t been much for reading lately. All the spice is out of life right now. However, when I do get my few minutes before the melatonin kicks in, I miss it. I make mental plans to read more somehow the following day. I’ve been consistently failing to make any changes to my poor reading routine.
I’m buckling down. I tell myself this, but I need to integrate my study schedule with my work schedule. In order to remind myself why the struggle is worth the effort, I’ve posted names of the people who believe in me (more on that) and why I’m willingly choosing this particular struggle.
March Madness continues. No Ragerts.
My dad’s turning 60 this week! Quite an accomplishment, though I’m not sure what he’d say about it. We had his cake and candles at family dinner this Thursday, he was in high spirits. For an onery old man, this fact is worth noting.
Still no update on Patric.
This Week in Pictures
Watched This Week