Life is funny. I promise you right now, I continue to live simply on the thread of hope that tomorrow will bring a funny story. The other day, my 0.000528% optimism struck pay dirt. Ya’ll remember the stupid story about the Jet’s pizza delivery guy? Well, in true haha-life-you-so-silly fashion, that story was not finished.… Continue reading Wrong Number, Don’t Hang Up
If ever I wrote a book, I decided on my dedication a long time ago:
It Was the Best Valentine’s, It Was the Worst Valentine’s
To tell you the stories of my best Valentine’s Day and the worst Valentine’s Day, I only have to tell a single story. Something worth noting here is yes, it’s pathetic but no, I harbor no ill feelings. I told this story in person today and watched her physically cringe over facetime, so I know… Continue reading It Was the Best Valentine’s, It Was the Worst Valentine’s
A Short Exchage
“You’re pretty.” “No, I’m not. You’re just sweet... and a bit drunk.”
Another One for the “Z” Pile in the Phonebook
The "Z" Pile - Noun; the special folder into which one files all failed attempts at relationships and has the ability to be flourished as needed. Ex: "Z Cheating Ass Married Man." see: fuckwit.
Thou Shalt Not Suffer an Ex Among You
Surely somewhere in the long list of rules in Exodus, the Lord thy God said something like this, right? It's solid advice, anyway.
I can’t watch people kiss. Life, television, porn, whatever. I cringe and look away, waiting for the moment to pass. Believe me, “Sex and the City” was a live mine field.
I Ain’t No Holla Back Girl
I got hit on by a guy screaming from his car into mine. Is this how people communicate these days? If so, I'm not made for this world and will forever be single.
Dating Games? I’d Rather Play Scrabble.
Hot and Cold relationships aren't fun, but they can offer an opportunity to learn and grow. Can you really regret a relationship that's made you better at spotting the future Mr. Right?
Hit the Gym or Hit the Road
Dating is a treacherous game, no matter who you are. For a fat lady, there are specific pot holes along the road, some of them more comical than others.